


We'll Get Through Somehow

by MadameCissy



Category: Major Crimes (TV), The Closer
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 21:15:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4407944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadameCissy/pseuds/MadameCissy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sharon stepped aside, albeit reluctantly, to let Brenda in. She was tired. She didn't have it in her to talk. "You shouldn't be here," she merely said, her voice soft and almost withdrawn. She couldn't bring herself to look at the younger woman. She knew Brenda was here to say goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We'll Get Through Somehow

**Author's Note:**

> Since I am suffering from writer's block for both "Broken Road" and "Coming Home", I've been trying to write some stand alone pieces to get my brain going again.

_"And is it worth the wait_  
_All this killing time?_  
_Are you strong enough to stand_  
_Protecting both your heart and mine?"_

_~Florence and the Machine - Heavy in Your Arms_

It was almost midnight. The day had been long, longer than Sharon was comfortable admitting to herself. As she poured the remainder of the wine sat in the bottom of the glass down the sink, her eyes drifted to the window. The endless lights lit up the Los Angeles night. In moments like this the city looked beautiful, void of the darkness and horrors Sharon saw on a daily basis.

She put the glass in the dish washer and pressed the start button. The device started humming after she closed the door and she turned to switch off the kitchen lights when she heard the soft knock on the front door. Instinctively she looked at her watch. Eleven thirty-seven. Who would come by at this hour? Rusty was out with friends and was spending the night at the house of one of his school friends. Had he come home? Did something happen?

Bare foot, Sharon padded across the condo to the front door and rose to the tip of her toes to check the little spy hole. A single glance reassured her that it wasn't Rusty but she hadn't expected to see the person standing outside and she opened the door, bringing in a cool gust of air.

Sharon looked at Brenda. She was wearing skin tight jeans and a white sweater with Atlanta written across her chest in curvy, black letters. Sharon recognised. It was the latest hideous souvenir she had brought back after a visit to her father a couple of months ago. Sharon always marvelled over how Brenda even managed to make the stupidest sweaters look good on her. Thick curls fell in a wild mane down her shoulders and brown doe eyes looked up at Sharon.

"I... I didn't think you'd be home," Brenda said softly and Sharon noticed the key in the younger woman's hand. Brenda had only knocked as a courtesy but had clearly intended to let herself in.

Sharon's eyes held Brenda's gaze. "It's almost midnight. Where else was I going to be?"

She didn't have to answer that. Work. It was where she'd spent most of the last two weeks without much of a break. Two long cases, two awful endings, and a mountain of paperwork. Even Rusty had complained he barely saw her and that had to mean something, coming from a teenager who quite liked his own time to do whatever he wanted - probably watching Netflix till three in the morning and eating junk food.

Sharon stepped aside, albeit reluctantly, to let Brenda in. She was tired. She didn't have it in her to talk. "You shouldn't be here," she merely said, her voice soft and almost withdrawn. She couldn't bring herself to look at the younger woman. She knew Brenda was here to say goodbye.

Brenda filed past Sharon into the condo's hallway. The place smelt familiar. Scented candles, vanilla and lilies, a remnant of a food smell that could be identified as chicken, and wine. It smelt like home and when the scent hit her, Brenda turned to look at the brunette. Sharon saw a hint of a blush gracing her cheeks. "I know I shouldn't be here," Brenda replied softly. "But I need to be."

Sharon turned away, leaving Brenda standing alone in the hallway. She walked back into the living room but didn't sit down. Instead she crossed he room and stared out of the window at the lit up Los Angeles skyline. She heard Brenda's footsteps behind her and looked up to see her reflection in the glass. They looked at each other but Sharon didn't turn. Brenda was maybe a couple of steps behind her and there she waited.

Brenda watched Sharon from where she stood and remembered the many nights where they had stood in almost the same place, arms wrapped around each other, watching the skyline. Her eyes drifted around the room. It had been a while since she'd last been here. Nothing had changed. The furniture was still all the same, still in the same place. The cushions she and Sharon had picked out together were neatly plumped up in the corners of the couch. Brenda's eye then fell on the silver photo frame standing next to the TV. She was surprised to see it so out in the open. The picture inside had been taken a year earlier, during the Major Crimes Christmas' party. Sharon's arms were wrapped around Brenda's waist almost possessively and Brenda's head rested against Sharon's shoulder. They both smiled. To the rest of the world they appeared like friends. To them, it was something else. Brenda had given Sharon the frame and the photo as a gift. Seeing it here, in her living room, made her realise that Sharon wasn't trying to hide it.

Their affair was no longer a dirty little secret, although it had started out like that once. It had evolved into something neither dared to name. It had become part of them, the way a person needed oxygen to breath. They were each other's safety, each other's anchor. Yet, one of them would, eventually, always leave.

It had started not long after Sharon investigated David Gabriel's OIS. It had been quick, rough and, they had thought, a simple outlet of anger, frustration and a build-up of sexual tension. They'd found themselves in Brenda's office, late one night after everyone had gone home. It was supposed to be meaningless. It wasn't. Because a few days later Brenda had turned up at Sharon's house late at night, her eyes dull and her face almost grey. She'd stood outside in the porch light, wrapping her oatmeal coloured cardigan around her to protect herself from the chill of the Los Angeles night, and Sharon had stepped aside without asking questions. When Brenda pressed her lips against Sharon's, Sharon hadn't objected. She'd felt Brenda relax under her touch and when her eyes had met Brenda's, she'd just silently taken her hand and led her up the stairs.

Brenda kept coming back to Sharon. Some nights they would sit and talk until the sun climbed up over the horizon. Other nights they'd merely give in to their desires, their needs. Sharon never once gave a second thought about Brenda's situation. She was married, and Sharon kind of liked Agent Howard, but she didn't want to think about him when she was with Brenda. In those moments Brenda chose Sharon over her husband. Sharon never once dared to ask Brenda if she'd consider leaving. Not because she didn't want to but because she was afraid that if she gave Brenda the choice, Brenda wouldn't choose her.

Their lives carried on as normal outside the walls of Sharon's home hut inside those same walls, time would simply stop when they were together. The part where it was just sex changed when Brenda started coming round more frequently, occasionally even telling Fritz where she went. She would come to have dinner or watch a movie. Some nights it would lead to more but other nights they were just content to share a sofa and a blanket, Sharon's body tucked up comfortably against Brenda's.

The lawsuit changed everything. It had been Sharon she turned to first when the judge delivered his ruling. She didn't talk to Fritz like she talked to Sharon. It had been Sharon who was at her side in her bathroom when she washed Stroh's blood of her hands only days later, Sharon who came to hospital with her and Sharon who held her, her fingers tangled in Brenda's curls, when finally, after all those months, she fell apart.

It had been Brenda's idea to have Sharon take over Major Crimes. After accepting the job at the DA's office - which felt more like a poorly executed escape than a different direction in her life- Brenda didn't trust anyone to lead the division other than Sharon.

They still saw each other regularly, though things had changed. Rusty had moved in with Sharon and although Brenda sometimes visited when he wasn't home, per Sharon's request to avoid questions. It had been Sharon who suggested they'd see each other outside her home, away from a set of young eyes that would not understand, and Brenda had accepted. And so their lives had found a new routine of seeing each other once a week in a hotel room on the other side of Los Angeles, reassured that they wouldn't run into anyone they knew. It had changed their relationship. They were back to living a lie, an even bigger lie. It felt dirty, and wrong, booking the room for weeks in advance. Sharon paid, after reminding Brenda that she didn't want to have to explain the charges of a hotel room to her husband.

It wasn't home but it had grown familiar and no matter how late Sharon would finish work, Brenda would be there, waiting for her, in their room. If she was asleep, Sharon would slip into the bed and Brenda would wake. In those few moments between slumber and wakefulness, Brenda would merely listen to how Sharon whispered her name and they'd find each other. Sometimes they'd just sleep, Sharon safely wrapped up in Brenda's arms, sheltered from the nightmares, protected from the darkness of her work. Sometimes they'd fuck until the sun came up, with Brenda always giving Sharon what she needed and Sharon always accepting it. Sometimes they made love, their bodies so well fitted and familiar after all these years, with hands that effortlessly found each other and lips that tasted of home.

"You should have told me, Brenda."

Sharon's voice broke as she cut through the lingering silence. She'd been holding this back ever since she found out. Slowly she turned around and Brenda was confronted with eyes full of anticipation, full of questions, of fear. "We said 'no lies,' remember?"

Brenda felt herself shatter at those words. It seemed a hypocritical statement. Especially since they were lying to the whole world about what they were. But Sharon was right. They had promised not to lie to each other. Amidst their lies they needed a place they knew to be the truth. The words were confronting as they rolled from Sharon's lips. So fragile, so broken. Sharon tried to collect herself, straightened her spine, and pushed her hands into her pockets. Brenda watched as the Raydor mask, which was what she'd called Sharon's professional face ever since their first meeting, slid in place.

"Tell me, Brenda. Tell me now."

"They offered me a job in DC," Brenda replied softly. Saying the words out loud somehow made it seem even more real. The call had come as a surprise. She didn't think she'd had any friends left in DC but clearly someone out there still liked her. "Homeland Security."

Sharon closed her eyes, took a ragged breath. The anger and the disappointment echoed through in her voice when she spoke. "And I have to find out by hearing this from your husband?!"

Brenda chewed her lip. It had been a long time since she'd heard anyone refer to Fritz as her husband, mostly because she herself didn't even refer to him that way. He was always 'Fritz', or 'Deputy Chief Howard' or 'Agent Howard.'

Her marriage was meaningless. She and Fritz still shared a bed but most nights Brenda went to sleep long after he had. Sometimes they slept together, in the biblical sense, but something was always missing. He didn't know. At least, she didn't think he knew, and if he did then he had never breathed a word. He treated her the way he always had; with kindness and endless patience. Even now, almost a decade later, he still picked up her discarded pumps from the kitchen floor or wherever she'd left them the previous night and put them in the closet.

Brenda just assumed he didn't know, that he had just accepted their relationship had changed, broken beyond repair, but chose to carry on anyway. They lived in the house they'd bought just after she left the LAPD as friends who only occasionally crossed the line to being lovers. Neither of them had ever dared to ask the other to leave.

Brenda thought about it often. Leaving sounded so simple, but it wasn't. She'd learned to admit to herself that she was embarrassed, ashamed, that another marriage had failed. She'd had plenty of time to think about why she'd gotten married in the first place. Because Fritz had asked her. Because it was what was expected of her. Because he kept pushing her, and because her parents wouldn't stop talking about it. Fritz had wanted the perfect life. A house with 2.5 kids and a golden retriever. No one had cared about what she felt or wanted and when someone, Sharon, finally did, it was already too late. The wedding band around her finger had become an empty promise when she'd first kissed Sharon. It had only grown emptier since.

Sharon had never asked her to leave Fritz. Brenda knew there had been moments where she wanted to. In the moments where Brenda slipped out of bed early in the morning, naked and her skin still smelling of Sharon and sex, looking for items of clothing that lay scattered around the room, leaning over the bed to kiss her goodbye, she knew Sharon wanted her to stay. She also knew Sharon would never say it. She had accepted her place in Brenda's life and, unlike every other person Brenda had ever known, Sharon didn't push her into anything. She didn't expect anything, even though Brenda knew it hurt.

Sharon, Brenda thought, had been the only person to support her through the Turrell Baylor lawsuits. Fritz had just urged her to sign whatever deal was on the table, hoping it would all go away. Will Pope had sold her out. But Sharon... Sharon had fought for her. Quietly, at first, and in the background, but then out in the open. She'd been the only person Brenda trusted, the only one she knew would not lie to her. It had changed their relationship, taken it to another level. It was at this point that Brenda had whispered the words "I love you" into Sharon's ear one night when she lay curled up in Sharon's bed, her head on her chest while she listened to Sharon's heartbeat . Sharon hadn't said it back, not right away. She'd stroked Brenda's hair and they'd fallen asleep. But the next morning when Brenda stumbled through Sharon's condo, making coffee and breakfast because it was one of the few mornings where she could stay because Fritz was in DC, and she'd turned around to find Sharon leaning against the wall, watching her. Her brown hair had fallen in waves down her shoulders and she wore one of her silk nightgowns, the red one Brenda liked so much, and she'd watched the younger woman in her kitchen. Her home. Their home, albeit for only a morning. And she'd said it. "I love you too, Brenda."

Sharon heaved a sigh. Soft, green eyes searched for and found dark brown. Brenda could see she was tired. "Why are you here, Brenda Leigh?"

"I..." Brenda began. Her voice trembled. "Sharon, I came to say I'm sorry."

Sharon knitted her brow. Throughout the years she'd known Brenda, she had learnt Brenda wasn't one to apologise easily. "Sorry? For what?"

Brenda took Sharon's hands in her own. She'd lost count of how often she'd done this. It felt so familiar. Their fingers fitted perfectly together and, like always, Brenda flinched when Sharon's fingertips grazed over her wedding ring. It was a quiet reminder that she, Brenda Leigh Johnson, had been breaking her vows for over five years.

"I'm sorry for makin' you feel like you were not enough for me. For makin' you feel like you were not worth havin' all the time, were not worth fightin' for." Brenda looked at Sharon. Her Sharon. The Sharon no one else got to see. "I'm sorry for not tellin' you about DC, about the job offer." She swallowed and her grip on Sharon's hands tightened. "I'm sorry for not tellin' you enough how much I love you."

"Brenda..." Sharon quietly interrupted her but Brenda didn't let her finish.

"Because you are enough, Sharon, and I do love you." Brenda looked down at their joined hands. "I love you."

Sharon remembered the first time they'd stood like this. It had been late, like tonight, and Brenda had turned up at on her doorstep. It had been a couple of weeks since their encounter in her office. They hadn't seen each other or even spoken. Sharon had done the best she could in trying to bottle up her feelings, locking them away, until she'd seen Brenda at her door. She'd looked so lost, confused and hadn't even waited for Sharon to ask if she wanted to come in, she just did. But when the door closed, Sharon had seen it. That deer-caught-in-headlights look. A woman who was about to do something she wasn't sure she wouldn't regret the next morning. She knew Brenda had come here because something inside her drove her to. So Sharon had taken Brenda's hands into her own, looked at her and just said, "Whatever it is you need, Brenda Leigh, I'm here." Then Brenda had kissed her, breathing heavily against her lips and whispering for Sharon to take her to her bedroom.

Sharon knew what it was like to be cheated on. Jack had done it numerous times. Those bruises on her heart had long since healed but she'd always looked down on others who betrayed their marital vows. Until now. Now she no longer cared. She was surprised at her own selfishness. She didn't care what it would do to Fritz Howard. Brenda came to her, Brenda wanted to be here. She didn't make her. She never asked her to leave her husband. But Brenda always came back. It was Sharon she sought shelter and comfort with, it was Sharon she chose to spend evenings with to watch a movie, it was Sharon she called at midnight on Christmas Day, her voice reduced to a whisper so her husband wouldn't hear. Sharon knew, deep down, Brenda would choose her. Maybe that was one reason she never asked her to leave. Because in many ways, Brenda already had.

"I love you, Sharon," Brenda whispered, repeating herself. "Please. You must know I do."

"I know," Sharon breathed. It almost hurt to speak. "But you're leaving." Her green eyes found Brenda's brown ones. "For DC." Before Brenda had a chance to tell her she hadn't decided, because Sharon knew she had, she added, "So tell me about it. The job. Tell me everything." She tried to smile, tried to be positive and supportive.

Brenda understood Sharon didn't want to hear what she'd come here to say. She wanted to hear the cold, harsh truth. So she took a deep breath and said, "They're offering me the position of Chief of one of the largest anti-terrorism units in the world. Big title, even bigger pay check. Direct line to the President." She shrugged. Status was one thing she'd never cared about. Results were what drove her to do what she did. "I don't know who put my name forward but I must have at least got one friend left out there." Her teeth worried her bottom lip. "They've arranged a fully furnished apartment, close to the Capitol. Apparently I can move in as soon as I..." She didn't finish the sentence but Sharon knew she'd been about to say 'accept.'

"It's a great opportunity, Brenda Leigh. Everyone knows that brain of yours is wasted at the DA's office." Sharon gently squeezed Brenda's hand. No one knew better than Sharon that Brenda felt like a caged animal, trapped in her office all day. "You'll do great."

"Sharon..."

Sharon jerked her head, silencing Brenda. "When do you leave?"

Brenda blinked. Had Fritz told Sharon that her flight would leave the next morning? She and Fritz hadn't really talked about it yet, and she didn't know what she was going to do, but she kept the ticket in her purse, tucked away behind a couple of Ding Dongs. It felt like an escape, a chance to finally flee something she hadn't been able to escape from for years. Or perhaps that's what Fritz thought it was...

He knew she didn't like the job she was doing. It was a job that paid the bills, that kept her in contact with her friends, but it didn't fill her heart and soul with the same fire that working for the LAPD had done. The fact that Fritz did work for the LAPD only added to her bitterness. But there were so many things he didn't know. So many things Brenda had never told him. All of them came back to her standing here in Sharon's condo at almost midnight instead of being at home in bed.

"I... I haven't accepted yet." Brenda's voice was small.

Sharon's green eyes had darkened behind her black rimmed glasses. She felt the tension in the air shift and knew Brenda could feel it too. They were at an impasse. "But you're going to."

"I haven't decided yet." Brenda took a step towards Sharon and when the other woman didn't move away, she closed the distance between them. When Sharon still didn't move, Brenda slipped an arm around Sharon's waist and pulled her closer. When their bodies were flush against each other and Sharon's face was buried in Brenda's hair, the blonde whispered, "I needed to see you."

"What did you tell him?" Sharon had to know. She had to know what Brenda had told her husband.

Brenda's lips were warm and soft against Sharon's ear. The brunette shivered when Brenda's breath hit her skin. "That I needed time to think." Brenda's fingers fumbled with the hem of Sharon's blouse, exposed the soft skin of her lower back. Sharon gasped when Brenda touched her. "But I can't think. Not without seeing you." She nuzzled deeper against Sharon's neck. "He wants to come with me."

Sharon knew that meant the end. If Fritz came with Brenda to DC, Brenda wouldn't have a reason to come back to Los Angeles.

Sharon lifted her head slowly and gently captured Brenda's bottom lip between her own and nibbled softly. It elicited a moan from the younger woman and Sharon's arm snaked around Brenda's waist. "Don't go." Brenda's mouth quivered against hers, hungry for more, longing for another kiss. Sharon's lips ghosted over Brenda's. "Don't go. Not to DC. Not home. Don't go." She gently began pulling up Brenda's sweater, further and further, exposing her toned abdomen and eventually the bright pink cotton of her bra. Brenda's skin was warm and soft under her fingers. Brenda raised her arms over her head and Sharon pulled off the sweater. Their gazes locked. Hungry, pleading. Sharon leaned in, her breath against Brenda's mouth. "Stay."

And then Brenda's mouth was on hers, hungry and full of passion. They stood like this for a moment, Sharon's arms still wrapped around Brenda's waist, the blonde's chest, clad only in a bra, pressed against hers. Brenda's hands were in her hair, threading the thick brown locks, pulling Sharon deeper into the kiss. When Sharon felt the tip of Brenda's tongue, she eagerly met it and for a few seconds they battled for dominance before Brenda gave in.

Sharon's hands began to softly explore Brenda's skin. Up along her arms towards her elbows. She felt the skin tingle underneath her touch, goose bumps forming as she grazed the warm flesh. She felt her heart settle into a steady, heavy rhythm in her chest while her hands explored further, up to Brenda's shoulders. When the blonde's breath hitched, just as Sharon encountered the straps of her bra, Sharon smiled into their kiss. Both her index fingers hooked behind the straps, carefully pulling them down Brenda's shoulders.

"Sharon…" Brenda husked.

Sharon's fingers halted, pulled away slightly. Brenda immediately missed her touch. "Ssssh."

Once the blonde fell silent, Sharon reached around Brenda's back and unhooked the bra. She watched with wide eyes as the cotton fabric slid away from Brenda's porcelain skin, revealing her breasts. Proud, dark pink nipples hardened when the cool air of Sharon's condo brushed against them. Brenda watched how Sharon's eyes darkened, how longing was replaced by lust. They had played this game before but it had always been Brenda who undressed Sharon, always Brenda who marvelled at the beauty of the other woman's body as she stood naked in front of her. But now the roles were reversed and Sharon was the one in control. Brenda didn't mind.

"You are so beautiful," Sharon whispered as she let her hands trail from Brenda's shoulders down to her chest.

Her index finger circled Brenda's right collar bone. There was a small scar there. Brenda had told her it was from an accident she had as a child when she fell of a swing. Sharon had kissed it many times. Green eyes followed the line her fingers drew on Brenda's body, down further until they reached the swell of Brenda's breasts. She felt the tension in Brenda's body, how her muscles tightened now that she was being touched. Sharon adored the way Brenda responded to her touch and when she let Brenda's nipple run through her fingers, she could only smile when she heard the soft moan that fell from Brenda's lips.

Sharon cupped both Brenda's breasts in her hand. They were full and heavy, larger than the palm of her hand. Brenda felt warm and soft, but Sharon felt the hardened nipples proudly underneath her fingers. She squeezed. Gently at first, then a little harder. She felt Brenda's hips arch towards her, heard the delicious moan that escaped her throat. Softly she placed her lips against the side of Brenda's neck, on her pulse point, and relished in the sensation of Brenda's thundering heartbeat against her lips. She knew better than to leave a mark, this was their secret after all, but Sharon sucked down nevertheless, her teeth nipping at tender flesh. Brenda's fingers dug into her hips.

Sharon's hands travelled lower, over Brenda's stomach. The skin here was pure and soft, void of stretchmarks, but dusted in freckles. Her fingers hooked behind the button of Brenda's jeans and the button popped. Sharon kissed Brenda again, deeper this time, her tongue sliding effortlessly past the blonde's lips. She undid the zipper and Brenda wiggled her hips to help Sharon peel the denim down her thighs. She stepped out of the jeans as they pooled at her feet, never breaking the kiss.

Without hesitation Sharon began removing Brenda's panties. They were pink too. Clearly the bra and the panties were a set. For a moment, just a fleeting second, Sharon wondered if Brenda had planned for this. In the years they'd been seeing each other, the only times Brenda had ever worn a matching set of anything was when she'd gone through the effort of planning their encounter. Sharon smiled to herself, knowing she had figured the blonde's plans out, and pushed the fabric further down Brenda's thighs. She could smell the younger woman's arousal and she let her fingers climb up along the inside of Brenda's thigh.

Brenda stood in front of her and Sharon let her gaze trail up from Brenda's toes up along those amazing legs, to the centre of her body where she saw her arousal glistening against dark blonde curls. Then her eyes trailed up further, shamelessly lingering on Brenda's breasts, nipples proud and hard, before journeying up higher. Brenda's mouth was slightly open, her lips swollen and bruised from their kiss, and when Sharon finally connected with Brenda's eyes, she saw the desire. She took Brenda's hand and silently led her towards the sofa. She was going to give Brenda exactly what she wanted.

Sharon sank down into the cushions and then proceeded to pull Brenda onto her lap. Brenda straddled Sharon's waist, her knees sinking into the soft fabric of the couch and her arms resting just above Sharon's shoulders. The brunette took in the marvellous sight of the naked, beautiful woman hovering over her before leaning in, hungrily capturing Brenda's mouth with her own.

"Oh God, Sharon," Brenda whispered against Sharon's lips. She rocked her hips against Sharon's pelvis, looking for friction, for some kind of release. She felt the heat pool between her legs. She knew she was wet. Sharon's hands rested on the small of her back but now dipped lower, to her ass, and Brenda growled something inaudible when Sharon's nails dug into the soft flesh of her buttock.

Sharon kissed her way from Brenda's mouth to her neck and further, down to her breast. Soft, warm lips closed around a hardened nipple. Brenda's head fell back, a riot of blonde curls cascading down her back, and she fisted Sharon's hair. She was exposed and vulnerable; completely naked whilst her lover was still fully dressed. In this moment, Brenda showed Sharon just how much she trusted her.

Sharon's teeth nipped at the swollen nipple a little harder. "I love you," she whispered and began kissing the burning pain left behind by her bite away, only to then repeat the biting motion again, followed by more kisses. "I love you, Brenda."

Brenda looked down at the brunette underneath her and rested her forehead against Sharon's. Their gazes locked and they saw each other, truly saw each other. When Brenda whispered, "I love you too," Sharon slid two slender digits inside her and Brenda cried out.

A few seconds passed as Brenda's core adjusted to Sharon's fingers but then her hips began to rock. She found her rhythm and Sharon found a counter rhythm, curling her fingers deep inside with every thrust, looking for the spot she knew would push Brenda over the edge eventually. Brenda's mouth crashed against hers and Sharon answered the searing kiss. Sharon's fingers slid effortlessly through the slickness between Brenda's legs. Brenda rocked against Sharon's hand and hissed when the palm of Sharon's hand rubbed against her clit.

They knew each other so well. The years had helped them explore and understand the other woman's as well as their own body. Sharon knew where to touch Brenda to make her shiver or to make her shudder and Brenda knew exactly what would push Sharon into her own version of oblivion. And yet every time they were together, it felt like they explored each other for the first time, like everything was new.

Sharon looked up at Brenda. She truly was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen and Sharon couldn't believe, even after all these years, that Brenda was hers. At least for some of the time. So she smiled as she pressed a little harder against Brenda's swollen sex, registering the low hum and hiss that escaped from Brenda's throat. She felt the quickening of Brenda's movements, how her thighs clenched down a little tighter around Brenda's waist. She felt the gush of arousal spill over her fingers. All these little signs told Sharon that Brenda was getting close. A fine sheen of sweat covered the blonde's body. Damp curls stuck to her forehead.

"Sharon…. Sharon…." Brenda breathed her name over and over. She leaned closer to Sharon, her bare chest now resting against Sharon's. Sharon's thrusts became quicker, harder and deeper. Brenda's arms snaked around her neck, desperately seeking support. Her head was buried in Sharon's hair. "Oh…. Fuck."

Sharon relished in the swear word. Brenda didn't really swear, not even during sex, but when she did, Sharon knew she meant it. At that same moment, Brenda's walls clenched around Sharon's fingers and she wailed. Sharon could feel Brenda's heart racing even through her clothes as the younger woman's body rested motionless against her. During the first wave of her orgasm Brenda would remain still for just a couple of seconds but then she'd tremble. Sharon would always bring her back down from her high by gently caressing her skin.

Brenda lifted her head and glowing brown eyes looked down at Sharon. Sharon used her left hand to brush the damp curls from Brenda's face and, after wiping it on her slacks, her right hand to follow the shape of Brenda's lips before leaning in to kiss her. Brenda's lips tasted salty.

Brenda didn't speak. Instead she began to impatiently pull at Sharon's clothes and by the time Sharon's hand caught Brenda's wrist, she'd already managed to undo the first three buttons of Sharon's blouse, exposing the black lace bra she wore underneath. Brenda's eyes widened the way they always did when she undressed Sharon and she licked her lips.

"Brenda Leigh," Sharon whispered and covered Brenda's hands with her own. Brenda stopped, her hands warm underneath Sharon's. Sharon's voice was soft. "Stay."

Brenda slowly slipped off Sharon's lap and then extended her hand. The older woman took it and Brenda led Sharon through the living room into the hall and towards Sharon's bedroom. The door was open and the lamp on the bedside table was on, revealing the bed with its soft white sheets and dark red comforter. Brenda turned around slightly, aware that Sharon's eyes were trailing over her naked body. Then she sank down on the bed and Sharon followed quietly. Brenda's hands moved back up to the buttons of her blouse and their gazes locked.

"Stay," Sharon said again. "Please."

Brenda kissed her in response.

~()~

When Sharon woke and rolled over, she expected to find Brenda asleep beside her, but instead her hand encountered only the cold sheets. She sat up, any remnants of sleep fading immediately, and wrapped the covers around her naked body. She looked around. The bed was indeed empty. Brenda wasn't in the room. Sharon listened to see if she could hear the shower in her en-suite but there was only silence.

Morning sunlight filtered through the partially drawn curtains, painting the room in soft shades of yellow and gold. She heard voices coming from the living room and her brain began fitting pieces together. Clearly Rusty was home and he'd put the TV on.

Sharon furrowed her brow and glanced at her alarm clock. If Rusty was home then what time was it? The red neon digits on the bedside clock confirmed what she suspected. 10.02 am. Sharon couldn't even remember the last time she'd slept this long. She ran her fingers through her hair. It was late. Did this mean Brenda had left? Had she snuck out? She'd never done that before, in all these years. If she left when Sharon was asleep, she always woke her to say goodbye. A sense of dread settled in Sharon's stomach. Brenda's flight to DC had been early this morning... She reached for her iPhone on the nightstand and typed a message to Brenda. _Where are you?_

She slipped out of bed and padded across the room to the ensuite. As she entered she caught sight of her own reflection in the mirror. Her face was bare of make-up and the dark rings under her eyes, left behind by two awful cases and lack of sleep, had vanished. Her face showed the lines left behind by the passing of time but they didn't bother her. Sharon observed the blue mark just below her collar bone and briefly touched it. Something Brenda had left to remember her by. Sharon shook her head when a shiver crept down her spine as she remembers Brenda's warm lips sucking against her skin and turned to switch on the shower. She stepped in to the cubicle once the shower had warmed up and the water poured down on her and her eyes fluttered shut as the water washed away the remnants of Brenda's scent lingering her skin. She washed her hair with her favourite shampoo; it smelt like lilies and she bought it at her hair salon. She then applied the accompanying conditioner and, after leaving it in for a couple of minutes, rinsed it out.

Sharon stood under the flow of water for what felt like forever. It massaged her neck and her shoulders and when she eventually stepped out of the cubicle, her skin was slightly pink. She picked up the white fluffy towel and dried herself off before wrapping it around her body and walking back into the bedroom. From her wardrobe she pulled a pair of jeans and a simple black button up blouse. She chose a plain white pair of panties and simple white bra and got dressed, her fingers trembling as they touched her skin, the same places where Brenda had touched her last night. Her touch lingered as she ghosted over the bruise. She stopped for a second, her shirt half buttoned, and turned to look at the bed. The sheets were still crumpled and she imagined Brenda lying there, naked, her blonde curls fanned over the pillow. It was then that Sharon noticed the suitcase at the end of the bed.

The case belonged to Brenda. She had brought it with her last night but had left it in the hall. Sharon had only seen it when she and Brenda had walked from the living room to her bedroom. It had only made their night together more intense because Sharon knew Brenda would leave for DC in the morning. But as Sharon approached, she noticed the suitcase was not only open, it was also empty.

She turned on her heel and left the bedroom, suddenly feeling a rush of emotions she couldn't quite identify. When she walked down the hall she realised the voices coming from the living room did not originate from the TV. One belonged to Rusty, the other to...

"Brenda?"

The blonde turned around when she heard her name, brown eyes sparkling, and she smiled. "Good morning."

Sharon looked around the kitchen. It looked like a bomb had gone off. A sack of flower stood on the counter, most of its content spread over the surface and the floor. A bowl and utensils lay beside it, as well as a bottle of milk. Brenda appeared to be cooking what Sharon guessed were pancakes and Rusty was helping her. He stood next to a Brenda, with flour smudged over his cheek and a frying pan in his hand.

Sharon noticed that Brenda wore a pair of black pyjama pants with pink cupcakes on them and a white tank top. A pink bra strap, she assumed it was the same bra she'd removed the previous night, peeped out from underneath. Brenda's curls were held back in a messy ponytail and her reading glasses balanced on the tip of her nose. She looked... Amazing, Sharon thought. And she looked like she felt right at home.

Rusty, having put the frying pan down, now handed Brenda the eggs and he grinned when he caught Sharon looking at him. "And I thought you said no sleeping in on weekdays?!"

Sharon blinked. Had she ended up in some kind of alternate universe? Was her son really cooking breakfast in her kitchen together with her secret lover?

"Brenda, what are you doing here?" Sharon asked quietly, afraid that by actually speaking she'd wake up from whatever dream this was and she'd just find herself to be alone in her bed.

Brenda bounced with enthusiasm as she cracked the eggs into the bowl. "Bakin' pancakes."

Sharon watched how Rusty added the flour and milk and then she focused on Brenda. "Can we talk?"

"Sure." Brenda wiped her hands on a tea towel and turned to Rusty. "Keep stirrin' that. I'll be right back." She followed Sharon out of the kitchen and found the brunette leaning against the sofa. When Sharon looked up she saw Brenda chew her bottom lip.

"What's going on, Brenda?"

Brenda dodged the obvious meaning behind the question and said, "We're makin' breakfast, Rusty and I."

"I can see that. But why are you doing it in my kitchen? When did he get home?" Sharon's eyes widened and she looked mortified. "Oh God, at least tell me you picked up your underwear from the living room floor before he came home!"

"Don't worry. I took care of it." Brenda smiled and she took a step towards Sharon. "I did some thinkin' last night when you were asleep."

"You did?"

"Yes. And I realised that I wanted to go to DC because I wanted another chance, another life." Brenda swallowed hard and when she looked back at Sharon, tears glistened in her eyes. "But goin' to DC meant leavin' you and I..." She took Sharon's hand. "I don't wanna do that. I can't do that."

"You don't?"

Brenda shook her head. "It's not a new life I want, Sharon. It's a different life. One where I can be just who I am, who I want to be." She shrugged, a blush spreading from her cheeks down to her neck. "A life where I can spend every day with you. We've been together for five years but we've never been together more than a couple of days at a time..."

That was the first time Sharon had heard Brenda describe them as being together. She opened her mouth to speak but Brenda shook her head. "Let me finish. Please." Sharon nodded and Brenda continued, "What I need I can't find in DC. I won't find it anywhere except here."

Brenda smiled and Sharon realised it was endearing to watch Brenda clumsily trying to somehow make sense of her feelings and bring them across by using her words. She'd gotten used to it over the years. It had never been one of Brenda's strong suits, talking about her feelings, but she'd always tried.

Brenda took Sharon's hands. It was then that Sharon noticed what was different about them. She was still staring at Brenda left hand, the diamond engagement ring and white gold wedding band noticeably absent, when Brenda whispered, "What I need is you."

"Brenda..."

"I know you never asked me, Sharon. You never asked me to leave him, to leave that part of me. But I have. And I should have done a long time ago. You deserved better." Brenda's brown eyes reflected hope and Sharon realised that, maybe for the first time in her life, Brenda Leigh Johnson was deliberately opening herself up to being vulnerable. She stood here, in her pyjamas, in Sharon's living room, telling Sharon that she had made her choice and Sharon knew that Brenda was terrified. Terrified of change, terrified of being rejected, but here she stood, wearing her heart on her sleeve.

"For the love of God, Sharon, will you just kiss her already?!"

Both women looked up and found Rusty standing in the doorway to the kitchen, a smirk plastered across his face that reached from ear to ear.

"He's right, you know," Brenda grinned.

"Don't say that. You'll live to regret it," Sharon smiled but she closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around Brenda anyway, pulling her closer. Gently she kissed her but then the kiss grew deeper.

"Ok, I'm going to be scarred for life here. No kid wants to see their mom making out." Rusty turned around and pretended to puke into the trash can.

"Get used to it," Brenda retorted. "You'll be seein' lots of it."

Sharon studied her son's face. He hadn't been surprised to find Brenda here. He seemed perfectly at ease having the blonde just randomly appear in the kitchen like she'd always been here. Sharon pushed her hands into her pockets, curiosity getting the better of her. "How did you even know, Rusty?"

"Really?" He cocked an eyebrow. It was something he'd copied from Sharon. "One night a week you're away from home. And for years! Didn't take a genius to figure out you were seeing someone. Someone you didn't want to bring around the house." His grin grew wider. "And you told me to do more laundry so I did. But last I checked, you don't wear shorts that have Atlanta written on your ass." He looked knowingly at Brenda. "Now who do we know who's from Georgia?" Brenda blushed and Rusty continued. "Oh and it totally explains why you kept turning down Detective Flynn."

Sharon felt her cheeks flush red. There had been the odd occasion where she'd accidentally brought some of Brenda's clothes home. It happened when they both got dressed in a hurry if Sharon was called out to a case or Brenda had to leave to go home. Sharon had just never suspected Rusty to have seen any of them.

"So there," Rusty smirked. "I knew. I was just waiting for you to tell me. And then this morning Brenda walks in here. I just said, 'finally' and asked if she knows how to bake pancakes." He turned around and disappeared back into the kitchen, leaving the two women somewhat flabbergasted.

Once her son was out of earshot, Sharon turned to Brenda and asked, "What about DC?"

"Already spoke to them. I declined the offer."

"And Fritz?"

"It'll take some time."

"Brenda..."

"I know. But this is what I want, what I've always wanted. I think I knew that night I turned up here, five years ago. I chose to come here instead of going home because... This is home." Brenda looked over her shoulder. A bang announced that Rusty had put the frying pan on the stove. "Noisy teenager included."

Rusty chose that moment to shout from the kitchen, "Sharon! Brenda! These pancakes are burning!"

"I guess we'd better go and help, if we want any breakfast at all," Brenda said and she quickly kissed Sharon near the corner of her mouth before disappearing into the kitchen.

Sharon waited. Just for a moment. Brenda was here. She wasn't leaving. She'd chosen Sharon. Things would have to change. It was inevitable. Their life would no longer be a secret. Everything would be flipped upside down. Her life with Rusty. Brenda's life. Work. Dealing with Fritz, whom she still saw on a regular basis at work. They'd have to face it all. And she'd deal with it. She'd gotten this far.

When she walked into the kitchen she caught Brenda flipping the pancakes whilst Rusty cheered her on and Sharon leaned against the wall, watching them. There would be some bumps in the road ahead but at least she didn't have to worry about Rusty and Brenda. They seemed to have found their place in each other's lives already and Sharon knew the three of them, as a family, would make their way through somehow.


End file.
